21
Dec
11

Blog address has changed

www.outoftheteakcloset.wordpress.com 🙂

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14
Dec
11

Distractions

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From what I know, I’ve made the right decision about not seeing DubaiMan tonight but in all honesty, I knew that it was not going to be an easy process. Let’s get down to earth here. I like this guy. I don’t like like him but I like having him around and I’ve expected to have fun with him before he leaves off the face of the planet. So, when nothing comes out of us and when I know he’s still in the country for one last day, it’s only fair that I need something to get him off my mind. Distractions!!!

It’s not like I’m born to have such quick luck but this morning was one of my first ever moments to have a quick luck. What is a quick luck? Well, in order for me to get lucky with something or someone in life, I’m the type that has to go through a lot. Yay, I got my uni acceptance in Australia but I had to wait one year until I got the visa. Yay, I got my first album released but that was after two rejections from two producers. So, yes, I was never one of those people who have things appear in front of me when I want them instantly. But without asking for any help, this morning, I got my distraction plan quite fulfilled properly.

AirSinger was one of those guests at Norwegian’s boyfriend’s party and I did not really get to give him time but I remember exchanging phone numbers. AirSinger messaged me this morning and since I was bored and in need of distractions, we agreed to meet up at ZawGyi’s house for a drink or two in the afternoon.

Do you know those type of people who looks so good in the daylight but looks quite mediocre in the nights? That was AirSinger. When he showed up to the place while I was sipping on my Bergamot tea (only ordered it cos Bergamot was one of the ingredients of some perfume when I used to work as a marketing person for Fragrance department). He seems to be so friendly. Oh yeah, he supposedly sings as well but I’ve never heard of him. You see, the perils of having amateur singers wanting to be your friends is the fact that they might be aiming to get your attention to use/produce them as well. I’m a bit of an independent singer so I never really care if such ever befriends me since they’ll get nada. Singing is his hobby and he is actually a flight attendant or a steward?? (what is the difference anyway??) I just love the fact that I was having tea with someone who works in areas that is close to ‘cock’pits!!!

The conversation went well. To be honest, I really like hanging out with people like him. Someone who works or used to work abroad and someone who hasn’t forgotten or hated his culture as a Burmese, this dude was just awesome to have a chat with. The good thing about guys like him is how you’re not really attracted to him in the first place but as you start to observe how the muscles on his face move, you start to appreciate the actual beauty in the combination of his muscles with the contents of his conversation, along with his personality.

It was a good two hours conversation and I do hope to see him again everytime he comes to town, which kinda reminds me of befriending Santa Claus but instead of once a year, it’ll be whenever the plane he’s in lands in my hood. I’m not really looking for anything anymore and I’m just happy enough with what’s there to grab and enjoy in front of me.

Like a Chinese yumcha buffet, I just have to enjoy the taste of meat in my mouth until the main dish comes.

Listening to: Cobra Starship – Don’t blame the world, it’s the DJ’s fault Photobucket

13
Dec
11

My private life

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I always believe that people appear in my life for a reason or two. No matter how much it irritates me, I’m always positive of the fact that I do get something good out of it. I’ve learnt to be more private about my life now and say goodbye to me being open and detailed about my life.

I finally met DubaiMan today and he didn’t look too good. Fate has been funny as well since both our phones didn’t work at the same time before the evening we met when we were to confirm about our date. DubaiMan told me he won’t do it, which is to have sex or make out with me. To be honest, as much as it would’ve been good, I really wasn’t looking forward to meeting him to do it. He said he was with this dude who was casually with him when he was in Dubai and how he had received an email about him wanting to take a step further with him and thus, he didn’t want to seem like he would be cheating on him. I was fine with it to be honest. But he just had to go on.

TwoNamer actually did lecture him too. She has his facebook account and he’s enlisted as ‘in a relationship with’ on his facebook profile and apparently she asked him why he was teasing people when he’s in a relationship. I was a bit disappointed with TwoNamer. I mean it’s one thing to care but it’s another to intervene and I do not really appreciate her intervention there but seriously, at this point, I couldn’t give a fuck.

Then, DubaiMan went on and asked me if he was my cheap fuck. I said no and he asked me to define what cheap fuck meant to me. I said a cheap fuck is someone I wouldn’t talk but just to have sex with without making any topical conversations with. Then, he asked me a couple more questions but in my opinion, he was trying to justify why I wanted him. I did try to be as honest as I could. I even joked about how I actually planned tonight as something we could do for fun and not as a cheap fuck. Then, he questioned me why I brought him on second floor of 50th street, which was empty, and he tried to ask me if that was to kiss him. I said ‘well we could’ve but I wouldn’t do it if you didn’t want to’.

Then, he poked a bit about the first night. Why didn’t I kiss him? Simple. Because I did not read the signs right and by the time I could’ve made my move, SugarMommy was in his attention span and this was after DSummer asked him if he could kiss him as well. The last thing I wanted to do was win him over from my two friends and I hate competitions. He mentioned how he could see that I was into him and that he could see how I wasn’t really happy with losing the chance to get his attention. Then, he asked me why I didn’t take him home and I might be weird but I DO take time on people I sleep with. As much as I don’t judge on any other people who made moves and sleep with others, it would be really awesome if people around me would STOP judging me on how I should pick up people. That really pissed me off. So what if I didn’t pick him up on first night. It’s not my thing and I just needed people to either respect that or leave me alone.

We ended our convo with him having to go to his friend. He said he wanted to see me tomorrow for a ‘romantic’ evening. OK…. Let’s have a break here. Romantic evening? How can our evening be romantic when he mentioned about this casual dude in Dubai who wanted to take a step up? I had work the next day and I do not want to go out the next night. I told him how I’ve actually taken a day off tomorrow because we were supposed to have a date tonight. He said if it wasn’t for the fact that his friend was not travelling the next day, he could’ve stayed. Seriously at this point, I was just tired and I wasn’t turned on anymore by this person. Then, he said I could give him a goodnight kiss tonight or hang out tomorrow with him to give him one. I said no. As he went off to his friend, I messaged him saying I am not coming tomorrow night, to which he replied “Come on. I still want to give you the goodbye kiss”. My only answer “You could have”.

What’s the best part of all of this thing? Well, first of all, I am tired of people talking about my sex life. I think me being open to things we talk about has been really taken out of proportion to the point where I have my friends decide who to get laid when. Second, if I really like a guy while I’m with my friends, I’m definitely just gonna ask him to leave the place and to talk with me somewhere. Third, I will never call anyone I’m dating or seeing to where my friends are. To be honest, I now believe that my sex life should be private and it’s not really fun talking about it anymore. From today onwards, I do have any intentions to tell anyone on who I’m seeing/fucking no matter how close our friendship is. I’ll blog about it but no one will have to see me make a move anymore. I’ve had enough of intervenes and people talking about my sex life.

And of course, I think DubaiMan is a big asshole.. not because he didn’t have sex with me but mainly because he asked for too much from me. There’s no way I’m gonna see him tomorrow. Game over.

Listening to: Enya – Only time Photobucket

12
Dec
11

Protection

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Protection. When I was young, I used to like scissors. I love how such device could cut cardboard paper to shapes. I used to want to be the master of shaping; use the scissors. My grandmother would not let me use it. She would say ‘playing with it’, when I see that more like ‘arting with it’ since I get to make art happen. One day, I sneaked into her drawers and grabbed the scissors. Feeling like the master of shaping, I started to cut leaves and two minutes into cutting leaves, my left finger started to bleed. I’ve cut myself. My grandma heard me cry, ran to me and rubbed my left finger mercilessly with mentholated spirit.

DubaiMan and I have a mutual friend, TwoNamer (yep she has two names which people call her by), and it was because of her that I got to meet him. I was just excited and happy and I told her about me having a date with DubaiMan on Tuesday night. She replied this with a ‘I hope you’re aware that he’s leaving on Thursday’. I was a bit surprised to be honest. I did tell her I was aware of that. She said “I just do not want you to get hurt”. I know TwoNamer and I know she’s a nice person and she means things well and I guess that was the only reason why I wasn’t that annoyed although I had to admit I wish I had not told her anything.

I did not get any texts from DubaiMan today when we should have been confirming each other of our date the next day. So, I went over to Bistro to have a chat with Bella. I told her the whole story and she kept suggesting scenarios that could’ve happened. I showed her our back and forth text messages and she kept assuring of any possibilities of good signs here and there. She sounded hopeful after reading our text messages. I did not really have any pessimistic assumptions about DubaiMan’s sudden absence but I was still concerned about what I’ve told TwoNamer. Have I said something wrong? Bella just kept going on and on about how it’s still ok and for me to update her if I heard from him.

It hurt like hell and it made me cry more but a part of me was content that I finally got to use the scissors and cut things into shape. Yes, the spirit did hurt. Sometimes it’s nice to be protected but sometimes it does suck not knowing what’s to happen if things were not protected since we never know what would’ve become of something we were about to do if we never get to do it. As much as I appreciate TwoNamer’s safety guarding me, I’m actually pretty concerned about how this has affected things and how I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

Listening to: Roxette – Almost unreal Photobucket

11
Dec
11

Shagshacks

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Are you going to take me back to your place? Where are we going now? I’d like you to come back to my place. I believe that once we’re certain about wanting to be in bed with someone, one of the very important things to consider is the one and only ‘shagshack’.

The year of the rabbit is going to end but my year of the bunny is just about to start. When I was a kid and I wanted to buy a rabbit as a pet, my grandparents were quite ok with it until I asked for two, fearing Mr Rabbit would be lonely. To my surprise, they said no. I asked if it was because of the price tag but then again the rabbits didn’t cost much in Bangkok. And they said something about how rabbits make too much babies. A puberty phase later, I came to know that these little devils are the horniest little mammals known to mankind.

I was never desperately horny. Yes, I can get horny but just because I haven’t gotten laid for a while does not necessarily mean I’ve been dying to jump into bed with anything that moves or any offer that comes with a ejacuarantee. Finally, I just met someone who could revs up my mojo engine and somehow come to think of it, I really do not want to waste my youth and I feel like I deserve to have fun the best way I can before I turn all committed and domestic or own an apron. I do get pretty much sold with a good conversation and a good flow of chats. I know some people can do the whole sex thing after a few lines thrown at each other but that was me four years ago when I was slutting around Oxford Street. I’m not really asking for any relationships but somehow a meaningful sex would be ideal, or in fact the only the option.

Now, I live with my grandparents who do not believe in taking care of the house since Nargis struck and ruined most of the walls and paints around my house. This also means that the bathroom closest to me is gross and I only use my grandparents’ bathroom which is right in their rooms. In order to have someone in my room to get jiggy, I find it a bit weird. Last time I had someone over, it was a foreigner who was gonna leave in a few days and he did say my bathroom was gross. (Well, not my bathroom.. but the bathroom closed to my room). I can’t really afford to have a Burmese guy in my room and despite this sounding stupid, I wouldn’t want anyone to judge me just cos I have a gross bathroom, which I never use anyways. So, the hunt for shagshack began.

Some would suggest a motel or an inn but in Myanmar, you have to show your ID card which has your name on it and if I have to show them mine, given my name used in the music industry is that of my real name, there would be talks around town about how a Burmese singer was in their motel with another guy. It’s not the gayness I worry about but I really don’t like being talked about in public on things I could’ve easily avoided.

Finally, the search for shagshack was coming to a big end but thanks to one of my friends has offered to let me use her house and her room as my ‘love nest’ (as she calls it), I was hopeful. I usually would not have taken this offer since it was way beyond a sign of generosity shown from my friend but given I had no choice, I finally took the offer, half relieved and half warm that someone could be so nice to me.

Listening to: Kreayshawn – Gucci gucci Photobucket

10
Dec
11

Subconscious pessimism

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Ladies and gentlemen, so it’s now out in the open about how pessimistic I actually am, or just really bad at reading signs. Yesterday, I misread the signs given ‘quite openly’ (according to SugarMommy) by DubaiMan. I had a talk about that with SugarMommy and she showed me his text on her phone about how he said something like “Hein has dropped me home and I’m all alone” followed by a sad face. SugarMommy read that as “Aww I wish Hein had not dropped me home and I wish he could’ve called me to sleep over at his place” but I read that as “Aww I’m saying this cos I did not get laid tonight and maybe you’d feel sorry for my loneliness and come do me (you as in SugarMommy)”. SugarMommy gave me the Hein-tsk, where she bobs her head from side to side and give you the expression where you could tell she’s going ‘tsk tsk’ in her head.

I’ve said this a couple of time and I could see myself saying it almost until I die or until SugarMommy dies or until SugarMommy stops coming to Myanmar. SugarMommy always knows more places in Myanmar than I do. One time you’d think I’ve been to enough places and a month later, she’s back with more places. Following her and CuteChip, I finally get to taste Frolick frozen yoghurt and wander around an empty art gallery 65. Now I know where to take Moo and given there’s an exhibition when she gets her ass here this weekend, I was psyched about having discovered these places. This is what Myanmar, to me, is like. There are so many things lurking around in the corners and there’s always new things to discover and get to know. That kinda made me like it actually.

I ended up snoozing over at SugarMommy’s house on the couch and they heard me snore and now that’s gonna leave them wanting for more of Hein’s snores lol. We all went over to Norwegian’s boyfriend’s birthday. The first ever Burmese gay birthday bash I’ve been to and it was awesome to see a lot of gay guys out there in the open. It was also nice to be able to talk to them and make conversation with them. I mean, sometimes as much as I love the whole blatant non-Asian thing that western culture does where you just ignore someone because they want to, I find myself liking it more how Asian people find the time to be nice to each other no matter how much they want to kill them from inside of their heads. I’m not saying I was targeted as one of those ‘to be killed’ people but not knowing what their inner minds are and not really caring, it was just pleasant to have such warmth and friendliness between me and these fags. Joy!

Went to DJ Bar again and DubaiMan bailed on us, well mainly on me. I was planning to shag the hell out of him tonight but as fate had it, he was not there and he fell asleep before he could come over to the club. It was fun though, given it was my last night clubbing with CuteChip in 2011, given he’s gonna leave on Monday. I was pulled out by one of my high school friends halfway through my dance floor routine and I spent almost an hour talking to him. It was a bit sad actually since he was telling me about his issues. I also told him how asshole of a person he’s become to other people and how I didn’t mean that with bad intentions. It was a good talk, drunk yet good. I feel really bad for him and his issues but I was glad he talked to me about them openly.

No matter how happy I may seem to a lot of people, Serbian has read me right. He once said to me “you may be smiling to a lot of people but I could sense your sadness”, to which I was offended to and kinda did not agree with what he said. I’m full of pessimism. Misreading DubaiMan’s text message from a bad point of view, thinking twice about how Burmese gay men react on first meet and being brought down to a silent sad drunk after having a sad convo with my high school friend are a living proof of the ‘pessimistic’ side of me that lingers inside my system and that substance would escape out of my system anytime I switch on my ‘subconscious’ mode.

Listening to: Ace Of Base – Dancer in a daydream Photobucket

09
Dec
11

Reading the signs

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I don’t know what’s up with the month December, but LaVarge left this morning and I’m gonna meet CuteChip tonight. Second time round on his trip to Myanmar, I was more than excited to have him around and it keeps breaking my heart and will always break my heart that CuteChip is not in the same country with me, when I really love having him around and enjoy every second with him. Life kinda sucks that way.

I have never categorize myself as anything in the “into” chart. What type are you into? “Umm.. don’t know” would be my answer. After 8 years since coming out, I still can’t manage to find a single ‘guy type’. I’ve dated more white men than asian men to be honest and I was often misunderstood as a coconut (brown on the outside, white on the inside), a bit of a twist of banana (yellow Asian on the outside, white Caucasian on the inside). Then, I had my Asian moments when people see me as sticky rice (Asians into Asians) during those rare occasions when I start to have a thing for Asian men.

I have always been thinking of an explanation behind my complex ‘into’ chart. I AM into thinking I’m into white men because I was into pop culture. I like it when people talk the talk when it comes to the sense of humor. I hate repertoires and I’m more into people who keeps searching for new things to say to get my attention. Given I’ve always grown up with a western sense of humor and adapted myself better to the western culture, it so happened that most of my dates were non-Asians. Being in Australia did not give me a wide variety of Asians to choose from. You have those cult members, Asians who stick to their little crowds of Asians and believe in discounts in fixed prized shops. Then, we have the H8ers, Asians who hate other Asians. Then, there was this guy who refused to meet up with me but would still call me just because I have an American accent. So, Asians in Australia were limited. I have to admit Myanmar and Thai guys are mostly hot. Like, if you’re stuck with 10 Myanmar or Thai guys in an elevator, 6 out of them would look good whereas if you’re stuck with 10 Indians in an elevator, 3 would be so good while one of the remaining would stink and the rest, undatable. Then, out of 10 Chinesees in an elevator, you have 4 of them who looks like those you see on TV and the rest would either smell like herb soup or just open their mouth most of the time even without talking. So, all I’m saying is when I end up in a country full of good looking local guys, be it trishaw driver or a brick layer, it’s hard to not be into an Asian.

I was introduced to this really hot Myanmar guy by a mutual friend at a club CuteChip, SugarMommy, TRex and I went to at night. Ok, he’s not one of those people who you would look at and go ‘OMG he sizzles’ but he’s one of those bacons that tastes good the more you fry them in heat. Think Shia Lebouf as opposed to Brad Pitt; I rather sleep with Shia Lebouf. After meeting this fine piece of new meat in town, DubaiMan, who’s gonna be here for the next 6 days, (although he’s Burmese, he lives in Dubai) I was kinda convinced that I, indeed, SUCK at sign-reading. It was going well at first but as it draws closer to the end of the night, I was just out of control with so much wrong readings.

Body signs: SolarMan talked about this once on how you can tell when someone’s interested in you with a ‘few seconds’ rule. When you initiate touching someone on any part of their bodies (well not really the crotch, boobs or the butt), you have to give it a bit of time and the time it takes until they respond by touching you kinda indicates how comfortable they are with you. This was how DubaiMan and I went with my implications.

Me: *pats his shoulder* (so, I guess you don’t mind conversing with me and we can be friends at least?)
Him(after 2 seconds): *puts his arms around my shoulder* (yep, I agree.. I like having you around and you can keep yapping)
Me: *touches his arms with a gentle subtle pull towards myself* (give your attention to me bitch and I want you around)
Him(after 5 seconds): *puts his hands around my waist* (ooh la la.. you tease)
Me: *sits down on bar stool with my toes pointed towards him* (I like facing you when I talk)
Him(after 7 seconds): *inches closer until my knee nearly touches his crotch* (fucking tease)

Friends: DubaiMan gets along with my friends and I kinda saw that as an awesome trait. It’s also funny that SugarMommy finds him hot and how she mentioned “You sleep with him tonight or I will”; one of the very reasons I love having her around. So motivational.

with SugarMommy: “I think your friend hates me” was what DubaiMan first said. Then, I told him it wasn’t true and how she actually thinks he’s hot. Urghh ego-giveaway!!! Then, SugarMommy lives up to a name I gave her “Gay Magnet”. DubaiMan and SugarMommy got closer and closer and before you know it, they were already playing tongue hockey before I got to pop his mouth cherry on his 2011 trip to Myanmar.
My implication: You are such a bi and a tease and you’re also into my friend? I’m kinda happy I do not have a single jealousy bone in my body when it comes to friends I care about or else I would’ve just exited the dancing floor with black mascara streaming down from my eyes after slapping both of them. Instead, I had a great time laughing at them while I was dancing with TRex.

With DSummer: It really sucks to have a friend who’s way hotter than you and it sucks when he’s single and he was someone you used to semi-worship or hoped he was yours. DubaiMan and DSummer were getting along really well by the end of the night. This was a déjà-vu since it has also happened with Serbian. With GoofBall, I never had that attention from him much but he later became DSummer’s tennis buddy. With Serbian, Serbian asked if DSummer was single which kinda indicated, in my opinion, that Serbian’s attention towards me, if there had been any, was given to DSummer for a while during the night. Kinda a ball breaker but it suck because you can’t blame both of them.
My implications:With DubaiMan, it was the same. I just felt like I’m the meat truck driver when DSummer is the actual meat butcher who gets to manhandle meat.

With CuteChip: CuteChip, as per usual, got a bit sleepy at the end of the night and while SugarMommy and DubaiMan were playing tongue wrestling on the dancing floor, I went and sat next to CuteChip to make sure he was ok. Then, DubaiMan stood near CuteChip, assuring he was ok.
My implications: This was yet another déjà-vu. Like how DubaiMan sat in front at the bar, his body position and body language was too comfortable with CuteChip. The funnier thing was instead of a mini-jealousy I’ve felt when I saw him with DSummer or a semi-crack-up in my head I had when he was smooching SugarMommy, I actually was a bit turned on. To be honest (and I am sorry because I should’ve told u earlier and I know you read my blog), I’ve always been and still am attracted to CuteChip; not a lot of men could qualify for both ‘cute’ and ‘hot’ under their attributes category. Seeing how DubaiMan cared about CuteChip and seeing how he’s so in control and unawkward in asking if CuteChip was ok kinda made me imply how DubaiMan likes to take control. Seeing CuteChip answering honestly to DubaiMan without making any moves or flirting with him kinda made me like him more since I felt like he gave me respect but to be honest, I would’ve loved to see them make out.

The night ended with me taking him home while sharing a cab. Surprisingly, before I dozed off to la la land, I got text messages from DubaiMan. After a multiple back-to-back turbo texting, he wrote “I actually wanted to kiss you tonight”. This was one of those moments where I wish for both a rewind button and a mallet. The rewind button to get us back to the club and a mallet to hit myself on the head for not having read that he was, indeed, interested in me.

Listening to: Nirvana – About a girl Photobucket




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